'

My soul still lingers around here.
Decided, friends only Livejournal.
Add up to read, www.heartnotch.livejournal.com

 


Open your eyes wide and see. You're not dreaming.


This year's Valentine Day is really extra special.

I spent hours under the almost non-existence sun with a girl, who I want to help her wholeheartedly. Even though she is just a stranger. Even though I am not obliged to help.
 

This entire issue is such a drama that I never think it would involve me in it. I guess its fate
Those things are meant to be exposed.

Never would I expect a boy who said he likes me to be such a person. A guy who breaks and toys with feelings.
Most importantly, you even were unable to be frank with me. I know the intention was to keep a good impression.
But how can a friendship or anything more than that even bloom when lies are being used so freely?
I didn't sense anything wrong, maybe because I'm dumb enough or what.
Thank god that Kimmy brought me to this matter and things start to unfold by itself.
I couldn't believe my ears, and really wondered could this be happening.
I was skeptical about things and it seemed like there's no way to clear this fog.

 
I felt so guilty back then, thinking that I wrecked a relationship.
Thinking that my usual friendliness caused some misunderstanding.
Me feeling so stuck in a dilemma of don’t know to be cold or normal.
Trying to neutralize things yet nothing seems to be a win-win situation.

 

I had to admit you were a great friend who shows concerns well.
I really appreciate your attention. Sadly, things really started to change and same goes to my impression of you. Sort of feel like, I totally knew just another side of you.

 

Now that I know almost everything (well, I don't wish to know anymore).
I realized that it’s not me. It's you. It is the way you handle feelings and how you made use of love.
It really made my blood boils and I'm utterly disappointed.
You don't seem to know how to respect and really love somebody, do you?
What's with all the kiss and tell tales? Do you even know what it means to a girl?
If you think what you had said makes you look like somebody more experienced and a hoo-ha. Get over it.
You're just pissing people off. If it meant nothing to you, go find some whore.
Because to some girls, at least to us. It means alot. If you can't even appreciate it and see it in another light, hook up with some loose people, not somebody who's willing to commit.
Be a man, cause they don't fool around.
Seriously, I really wonder what would happen to me if everything goes accordingly to what you wish.

 

I saw so much sorrow and emptiness over the weeks. Yet, you choose to be insensitive about it.
Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Especially when she loves you, trusts you, thinking you worth it that much. Maybe just in my eyes, in my own honest opinion, you're simply just manipulating her feelings.
When you don't get what you want, then you go back to her? Taking her as a spare tyre?
I never knew that love should be a tool, to get what you want.
To get your work done, to get things that you request.
Watching eyes and stinging words that tried to convey the message to her not to be silly.
Despite all these, she is still helping you unconditionally.
What have you really given to her, emotionally?

 

You said that your heart could hold 2.
You said that your last ex-gf was 2 years back.
You said that there wasn't anybody suitable in poly.
You said that you only had less than 5-ex gfs.
You said that you were going out with parents on Vday when you were waiting for my reply.
You said that you weren't really sad when I rejected.
You said that you were seriously into me.
You said that you wanted to pass me articles when it wasn't even searched by yourself.

 

Do I still need to state more?
I've heard enough. I had enough trying to give you chances to be frank.
And till the end, you're still lying through your teeth.

 

Are you expecting this? I wish you never.
Because I really hope that this would be a wake up call to you.
Count your luck, cause I so happened to know one of your ex-gfs too.
Just a fling? I wonder if everyone's your fling. Will you ever learn?
Just answer that in your heart.
I don't think I need any explanations any further. In conclusion, you lost my respect.
How to earn it back, would be what you do next.
True, I’m nobody and you don’t have to give a damn.
But look down the road, I think you might lost count of people who have lost their faith, trust and respect for you.
Btw, if I'm her, I wouldn't even hesitate to go up right in your face and bitch at you. Seriously, if only you could love her truly.

 

 

To you babe,

It's a blessing in disguise, I am glad that both of us trusted each other that much.
 If not, things would only get more complicated than we can hold.
Although there were doubts about who we really are, I'm thankful that we answered and talked with all our heart. Because truth is sought and I am persistent to help you through this. Unconditionally.
I could just ignore, and live my life. But no, I want you to piece your life up again.
And meet somebody who really loves and cherish you.
I hope your worst will come to an end soon and may the good times start coming in.
Please take good care of yourself, follow your heart and know what is best for yourself.
We should drop by the beach again to sunbathe and have our heart2heart talks.
I wish you luck on the way of getting onto the right track. <3
At times you feel helpless, read the book. I hope it helps!


To all the people who were aware of all these shit, game over. So stop talking about it. And I'm thankful of my poly girlfriends, Kimmy and Smoove who listened to this crazy rantings and thought it through with me. Most importantly, holding me up when my thoughts starts to waver and think about things twice.

That's why, sometimes I rather choose friends over relationships.



ps. I'm shifting to Livejournal soon. Stalk me if you can. Goodbye Xanga.
and sometimes, you only know who are your friends when shit happens.

 
In this entire episode. Honesty is really the key.

Aye aye! Here we go!

Visuals Visuals! Pictures tell a thousand words!
I'll be back tomorrow. :) Cause it's 4am already!
Have a great Vday tomorrow!!

HAPPY VDAY FOLKS!
Show some lovin' and time to indulge in.... SWEEEEEEEEETS! *wink wink*

XOXO



Seriously, they're the few people in my world that I don't mind sharing every single secrets of mine with. Being with them is like being in my comfort zone, like really. :) I never expect that our friendship would be so close by just looking at how other cliques are doing! May we be best friends for lifeeeeee and be each other's maid-of-honor/Godmoms/whatever! :)
<3<3<3
ps/ makes me miss my SweetP babies. :/





:)

The next 2 collections from Chicstory!
The next would be Black City.
The other would be Spring/Summer Love.
Keep your eyes glued for updates!!



On random note.
SHE IS DAMN DAMN DAMN HAWWWWWT!
It's like, this picture totally mesmerize me. It doesn't even give that lust feeling! It's just damn gorgeous. Everything looks just right and nice on her. :) Melttttt at her beauty!



STOP STARING AT THE BOOBS ALREADY! :)




K, have fun!

Lovex3059230852835902860235802958!